I’m feeling discouraged at the moment. There are a few things, both in business and personally that are troubling me.
If you have done any work with the Enneagram, I’m a 7. This means when something troubling is happening in my life, I tend to push it aside and seek new experiences to make me happy.
But I’m working not to do that so much anymore. I’m trying to “live in” the discouragement and learn from it.
I’m being vulnerable with you because I know that, as a major gift officer, you oftentimes feel discouraged in your work too – especially this time of year. You may have a donor that you’re expecting a large gift from, who told you they can’t make that gift now. Or you had a week where you booked several meetings with donors, and most of them cancelled.
I mean, my list could go on and on about how easy it is for you as a major gift officer to get discouraged.
So here’s what I’m trying to do that may be of help to you.
- Stay with it. Don’t deny being discouraged. Before you try to “move on,” let it sit with you for a while. Let yourself feel it. This is probably the single hardest thing for me to do, but it allows me to understand why I’m feeling this way.
- Get to the root of the discouragement. In other words, figure out what really happened. So let’s go back to that donor who now has said they can’t do the large gift. Are you discouraged because you feel if you had worked harder, the gift probably would have been made? Or are you worried that now you’re not going to make your goals for the year? Or the program or project you had hoped would be funded is now in jeopardy? Gain understanding why you’re feeling discouraged.
- Facts are friendly. The next thing I try to do is separate out the feelings and try to figure out the reality. Again going back to the donor – perhaps you didn’t do everything with your plan for that donor. You can learn from that. Or the other side is, yes you did do everything you could, and the donor’s decision is out of your control. Either way, you can now move forward with greater understanding.
- Gratitude. When working through discouragement, it helps to think about the things that you’re thankful for. It helps me to just write them down, and it makes me feel better.
- You’re human. I like to think of myself as a strong person that can handle disappointment, discouragement, and tough things easily. But that’s not always true. Sometimes I’m not strong. And as a major gift fundraiser you always have so much pressure on you – especially right now. You’re not perfect, and you’ll not always do everything right. You will, at times, anger a colleague or a donor unintentionally. You’re human. Be kind to yourself.
When you’re feeling discouraged in your work, know that you’re not alone. And know that you’ll get through it. (Tweet it!) But don’t rush out of it. Stay with it. Figure out the root of it. Separate out the feelings and the facts. And be kind to yourself.
I will try to do the same.
Jeff
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Jeff ( and Richard)
Thank you for this timely message. Personally, I have been in this moment many times during my 39 years in the profession. Your counsel is “spot” on. Thank you for taking the time to address this topic.
As I read your message today, I thought of all the many fundraising consultants I have encountered over the years, with all of their counsel regarding topics related to fundraising practices but never once did I ever hear one talk to this subject of discouragement. Veritus is a breath of fresh air to all of the professionals in this marvelous work of “blessing and saving lives.” Big Kudos, Jeff!